Heartless and emotionless I may be while others may snicker at me for being unappreciative but I will not succumb to their thoughts or opinions. Maybe I would 3 or somewhat years ago, it's funny how easily I brush if off now as it doesn't define who I am, who I want to be or can become (leave aside my weight issue).
I've learnt that in both sides, majority of what we call, friends gave their opinion on this relationship we both are in. Mine claims it's a wrong decision to actually get back together, having me go through my lowest yet recovering slowly when we both parted ways for merely three weeks. Countless "I told you so", "you deserve someone better", "you don't deserve this" and whatever you can come up with, the other whatnots pertaining to not get back together popped up. I can either choose to heed it or ignore it but the in-betweens I acknowledge from both sides. As it's me being a total bitch for hurting the other party but I had my good moments when I spent lavishly on the other without many complaints. So about me being unappreciative about a small gesture compared to what I've done, out of me being concern on another's expenditure, I think that's reasonable. Giving me an excuse of placing me first before yourself, I won't buy it because I'd rather see you living well and not sloth it away because of "me". In a friends viewpoint, why force yourself to please another out of goodwill when the other isn't so demanding on a gift, not giving a hoot about it?
I've learnt that in both sides, majority of what we call, friends gave their opinion on this relationship we both are in. Mine claims it's a wrong decision to actually get back together, having me go through my lowest yet recovering slowly when we both parted ways for merely three weeks. Countless "I told you so", "you deserve someone better", "you don't deserve this" and whatever you can come up with, the other whatnots pertaining to not get back together popped up. I can either choose to heed it or ignore it but the in-betweens I acknowledge from both sides. As it's me being a total bitch for hurting the other party but I had my good moments when I spent lavishly on the other without many complaints. So about me being unappreciative about a small gesture compared to what I've done, out of me being concern on another's expenditure, I think that's reasonable. Giving me an excuse of placing me first before yourself, I won't buy it because I'd rather see you living well and not sloth it away because of "me". In a friends viewpoint, why force yourself to please another out of goodwill when the other isn't so demanding on a gift, not giving a hoot about it?
I'll just magnify and simplify my words: I am impulsive and my words weigh more than my actions. About me giving a bad attitude always without fail, arises from love and concern. I've also learnt two other important lessons to not make impromptu plans because it seems to backfire or care as much as before because it'll lead to a horrible mess. But nonetheless, when I drift off to sleep, you occupy my thoughts and have secured a place in my very stone cold heart that's always warm around you. I just hope that what we have will remain like how it did before because I know nothing in that aspect has changed. To have my heart warm in an instant yet cold the next, I'm surprised how much you mean to me and I can't imagine not having you around. After stating the above, I think I'm a little done with my emotions and would like to keep it locked up until it sees a bright light begging it to come out (ha-ha). Goodbye x
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